How to find Winnie Leong's grave

 I sometimes drop in to visit my cousin Winnie's grave because it's very close to one of the Costcos I go to.  I figure if it's too hard to get into the left lane to turn up Hickey Blvd., then Winnie's hinting it's time to go straight and visit her.

This is how you find her.   First of all, she's at Cypress Lawn at 1370 El Camino Real, Colma, CA 94014.

Second, here's the map to drive to the right spot.   I have a little camera icon to mark where the other picture was shot.   That one's to give you a visual on direction.

Winnie was the oldest child of Dad's oldest brother, Lim.  One of Dad's favorite stories  in his entire life was the search to find Lim's family after he passed away and he had heard that they were in Oakland when we lived in Fremont.  Dad talking about it will be in a future video upload.   You can see Winnie tell the story from her POV in Dad's Memorial video.

Because of our age difference, Winnie and I did not have much of a relationship.  But our daughter Natasha was just starting to learn Mandarin in preschool and I was really hoping she could practice with cousin Winnie as she got older.   We did all live in San Francisco together, after all.

Ida May Yep Memorial

Dad's sister Ida is an incredibly strong woman who has survived many things.   Illness finally wore her down on December 6, and her surviving children held a memorial on January 21, 2024.  It was held at the China Palace restaurant in Stockton, the site of many of her birthday celebrations.  As is always worth mentioning; the food was fantastic!

The ceremonies began with Andy addressing the assembled full house with some of his thoughts and memories, establishing some of the themes of the day.   Then I (Glenn) spoke a bit about what she meant to me and told a story about her giving the interview posted here in a previous post.  Sandra also took a couple of turns, including giving some gifts to the family.  We also heard from some of her grandchildren, Clyde Lee, and Karzen's son. 

I also read some thoughts from the Canadians, who couldn't be there.    Most of the ceremony is on this video... the cut coming when the first file reached its maximum size.

It is a melancholy feeling to realize that every Mar of our parent's generation is gone.   It reminds me that legacy needs to be preserved, which is the point of this blog.

Mary Mar Memorial 2010

Uncle Hong's loving wife Mary passed away in 2010.  It was very emotional, as my father adored Uncle Hong and we all adore their daughters.  Auntie Mary was a remarkable woman and I am happy to have captured her memorial service to share.

Mar family experiences of World War II - Ida Yep

Well it's time to start posting my treasure trove of family video interviews. When Dad got his lung cancer, he decided to buy a video camera and have me film him telling his life story. It makes for a grand epic and it's also a heart-wrenching document of his physical decline, but I'm so glad I have it.

Following that up, I started making interview videos of other family members of that generation, with the common thread of "Tell me what your experience of World War II was like." I particularly was looking forward to interviewing Aunt Ida because Dad's story of his travel with his mother from Guangzhou to the village in 1943 is the most harrowing and emotional event of his life. But I knew Aunt Ida and Uncle Harold made the same journey on a different route, in order to spread out the family for safety. So I wanted to get her story of that.

Surprisingly, considering how easy it usually is to tempt Igoo into telling old stories, she was kind of evasive about doing an interview video. I finally got some time where she couldn't escape... waiting for our plane in San Francisco for our flight to Aunt Mary's memorial service. Even then, she still tried "Later, later, let's do it later."

So I said, "Igoo, we can do it later, but just so you know, I'm going to want to hear about is your side of the story when you and Uncle Harold had to travel from Guangzhou to the village." That got her launched right into 40 minutes of stories until our flight was called to line up. Afterwards, the gentleman sitting in the seat behind her said, "I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but that was the most fascinating thing I've heard in a long time." So classic.

Here's the video:

Father's Day 2015 - I'm feeling it, Dad!

Dad, his mother, and his sister-in-law Mary.

Guessing 1960-ish in Vancouver.

6/21/15.  I had a great Father's Day today.  Activity-wise it wasn't so unusual... Natasha and I walked the dogs and played some basketball.  I watched a movie in the afternoon, and then we all went out to Chouchou restaurant for the first time, which was great.

My girls made an effort to help me have a special day, but the reality is the best thing about it was the normalness of it.  I get such joy from being this little girl's father that on this Father's Day I took the time to both appreciate the moment and the fact that my life is filled with these moments.

Dad used to say, "You'll understand when you're a father."  He was talking about the delight a father gets out of the smallest, silliest things his little girl does.  How pride surges when she figures something out, or demonstrates kindness.  How joyous it is to sit across from her at dinner and look at her perfect little bangs I just cut and the jewelry she's wearing that she made this week.  How her happiness spurs my own.  How it wouldn't even be a question what I would do if for some reason I had to sacrifice my life for hers.  And I can't believe the special cuddling relationship that only a daddy and daughter can have.

Family is the best.  It's incredible.  Somewhere my dad is happy I feel this.

Today, before dinner.  One of many hugs.

Dad's birthday, 2014

OK, I'm not exactly diligent.  But I am really missing Dad this year.  Maybe it's because I need more comfort these days.  Maybe it's because Tasha's growing up and I want him to see it.

Happy birthday, Dad!  I love you!

Son-Son

Dad's birthday, 2010

I'll just share my Facebook post this year.


Happy birthday, Dad.
Glenn

How to find Harold and Kathy Mah's gravesite

After we visited my grandparents' grave, we needed to go to Auntie Kathy's burial. But the only information we had about the location was that it was called "Alto Reste," no address. (OK, this is the importance of following the caravan.) But thankfully, there's the 21st century cell phone. First, I tried to find it on the Internet. With no luck there, I spotted a sign for "Red Deer Cemetary Services" outside the Red Deer Cemetery, and I called that number. That happened to ring at Alto Reste, and I got good directions out there.

Unfortunately, Google does not have a satellite photo of this area, nor does this cemetery have an actual address. Just type "Alto Reste, Red Deer" into Google Maps and you get this:

Basically, you head out 2A and it pops right up on the right. Drive on in and go straight back (perpendicular to 2A), going around an obstacle or two. Then take the last left that isn't all the way behind everything. Here's two views from the intersection nearest the plot:


We had missed everyone (saw some of them driving the other way on the way out), but we watched Auntie Kathy's casket get lowered into the ground. I found out later from Sheldon that they had done it with everyone there, but someone noticed they'd pointed her backwards. So we saw the final lowering. Last shot: the headstone.

I lifted the Astroturf off Uncle Harold and spread more ashes, then sprinkled some on Auntie Kathy's casket too.

That wraps up Alberta. On our drive out, Debbie said she just heard from Dad's ghost, and he had said "Good son."

Aww, thanks Dad.
Glenn

How to find the gravesite of Dad's parents, Mah Foo and Ven Fong Wong

First, you go to Red Deer, Alberta.

It was only after arriving at Gaetz Memorial Church for Auntie Kathy's services on June 1 that we discovered that she was not being buried at the same graveyard as my grandparents. We always thought of Red Deer as a pretty small place, but with 88,000 current residents, they have two graveyards. This left us without much time to visit both graveyards before making the 75 minute drive back to Calgary to catch our plane.

When the procession after the services appeared to have no police escort, and we realized the entire group was doing a drive-by of the family house (A Chinese luck ritual... there's a million of 'em), Mom wisely suggested we bail on that caravan and go find Dad's parents' site first. Unfortunately, the directions I gleaned and cross-referenced from people before the service were terrible. We took a long time to just to finally find the Red Deer Cemetery and some of that time were sitting just outside it.

Then we didn't find anything where we were told, so we started spreading out and looking... Winnie, Mom, Debbie, and me. I was just thinking that maybe we should give up so we can still go to Auntie Kathy's site and then catch our plane in Calgary.  Then Winnie waved me down, about 10 rows from where we started looking and shouted, "I found them!" Amazed, I asked her how she did it.  She said, "I prayed to our ancestors to tell me, and they (specifically grandma) did!"  You know, when stuff like that happens, a skeptic calls it imaginary.  I don't think it's imaginary. 

(Years later, I went to visit Winnie's grave in Colma (Woodlawn Memorial) for the first time since her funeral.   I couldn't find it either, so I asked Winnie for help.  I panned the yard left to right waiting for her to tell me when to stop.  I did once, and it seemed like the wrong spot to me.  I tried it again and stopped at the same spot.  I figured my signal was bad and I went to the office to get the official location.   Turns out it was right. Sorry I didn't trust you, Winnie!)

Best tip: The cemetery is only listed as being on "55 Street," but if you put 3980 55 St, Red Deer, Alberta into a Google Maps search, it comes up right at the cemetery entrance. There's plenty of street parking. If Google changes over time and this search doesn't work so well, just find the "Michener Centre" and go West a block or so. Or try "55 St. and McLellan Drive." At this point in time, the satellite photo loaded into Google is ancient... the cemetery is hardly developed at all. Park near the Google "A" on the map and follow the red line to the red dot.
The following photo sequence shows the views you'll see as you walk towards the spot. Once you get to the giant shed to the left of section V, you count in 13 rows to the right and then go halfway up the row. Right now there's a birdhouse at the other end of row 13.
Finally, here's a shot of me completing the mission to spread Dad's ashes on his parents' grave.
Last stop, Alto Reste with Uncle Harold and Auntie Kathy.
Glenn

How to find Barry Mar's gravesite

At the end of May Auntie Kathy unexpectedly passed away, and so Mom, Debbie, Winnie, and I made the trip to Alberta to attend the funeral. The story of that trip is told on my family website here. While we were up there, we were determined to visit all the family graves and spread Dad's ashes over them.

Finding the graves proved so difficult, that I resolved to document the directions for anyone who wants to make the journey. Even once we found the graveyards, finding the graves was such a hopeless endeavor that it was only through Winnie's bloodhound-like skills and her receptiveness to guidance from the family ghosts that we were able to find Uncle Barry and our grandparents.

So first: Calgary and Uncle Barry.

Uncle Barry is buried at Queens Park Cemetery at 3219 4th Street N.W., T2M 3A6, phone number 403-221-3660. The plot location is Lot W, Block B4, Section L67, but frankly all we ever found to mark any of it was a signpost marking lot W in it's Northeast corner. A key feature of this lot is that there are no standing headstones... all of them lie flat. Here's the map (click to enlarge) that you'll actually need:

Park where the red line stops. The grave is approximately where I put the red dot. See the shot below for how the surrounding area looks. Note the building immediately West, and the view of the treeline looking East.

Don't count on any help from the cemetery personnel or signage. Any buildings they had were locked up tight in the middle of a Sunday, with no maps posted.

Next, my grandparents.
Glenn

A thank you story

Julie and I had lunch with our friend Stacie a couple of weeks ago, and she's a professional biologist. I said that I was interested in contacting whichever research scientist deserves the most credit for developing Tarceva, the anti-cancer drug that made the biggest difference for Dad. She agreed with my implication that for a drug to make it to market, there are a lot of people involved, so it's hard to give any one person credit. But fortunately, the easiest person to find would be the one who filed the original research.

Yesterday, she came up with a name and sent me this:

Hi Glenn,

I found him with some help from a chemist friend! But I can't find contact info yet--I will keep trying. I did see he is on LinkedIn but I dont' have a way to access him there since I don't have the upgraded membership. His current company doesn't seem to have a website although that google search is what took me to find him on LinkedIn. I could try pinging former OSI colleagues since I know their email formula and some of his former colleagues are surely still there.

From his bio at Pharminox (he is on the Board):

Lee D. Arnold PhD

Dr. Arnold has an exceptionally broad research background in synthetic and medicinal chemistry, structure-based drug design, cell biology, biochemistry, drug metabolism, and biophysics. With pharma industry experience from Syntex, Pfizer Central Research, BASF/Abbott Bioresearch, and OSI Pharmaceuticals, he brings a history of over 22 years of industry contributions in molecularly-targeted small-molecule drug discovery in oncology. In his most recent corporate position as Vice President of US Research at OSI Pharmaceuticals, Inc. from 2003 to 2007, Dr. Arnold oversaw discovery research in Cancer Chemistry, Biology, and Leads Discovery.

During his career Dr Arnold has played an integral role in delivering 7 innovative drug candidates into development for Oncology. One of his inventions, Tarceva ®, the first potent, selective, reversible EGFR inhibitor demonstrated to improve survival in lung and pancreatic carcinoma patients, has become a marketed blockbuster. Four others, including first-in-class selective inhibitors of IGF1-R and TORC1/TORC2 continue to advance in cancer clinical trials.

Dr. Arnold is currently President & CEO of DiscoverElucidations , aiding academic researchers, fledgling biotechs, and large pharma in discovery and development efforts in a range of therapeutic areas. He is also a visiting professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook and a member of the Institute of Cell Biology and Drug Discovery. He is recognized in oncology drug discovery through his inventorship on over fifty patent filings, thirty peer-reviewed publications, and numerous presentations, disclosing more than 15 distinct chemotypes of kinase inhibitors.

Well taking that to Google made it easy to find a presentation he did with his contact info, and then I wrote him this note:

Dr. Arnold,

I believe (based on published research as well as your bio at Pharminox) that you were instrumental in the development of Tarceva. I lost my father to lung cancer last July (2008), but it is without question that his condition and enjoyment of life was substantially improved when he started taking Tarceva in May 2006. This was tremendously important to my family, not only because we got that much more time with him, but because we needed all that time for him to meet my only child. My wife and I adopted a girl from China in March 2008, and what we originally thought was going to be a 1 year wait turned into 2 1/2 as China's process slowed way down. It meant the world to me that my father was able to spend several months with my daughter.

Thank you to you and your team for giving us that. I'm sure there are many other similar stories out there and you have every reason to feel that your work has made a real difference in people's lives.

Sincerely,
Glenn Mar
San Francisco

And today he wrote me back!

Dear Glenn

Many thanks for your e-mail. You are correct, I was the inventor of Tarceva, but as you are aware the discovery of the drug was a team effort that involved many dedicated scientists. Unfortunately, Rodney Schnur, a coinventor on the patent covering Tarceva and related molecules did not survive lymphoma to see it reach the market.

I also lost my father to lung cancer - just before Tarceva was approved - and understand the significance of the precious time and quality of life. Your message was truly uplifting. Drug discovery is a roller-coaster ride, often with more disappointments than conquests, and in the lab we are far removed from the patients we hope to aid. Your encouragement helps keep cancer researchers eternally optimistic and motivated – and believing that they may make a difference in some small way. Since Tarceva, I have moved 6 more potential drugs toward the clinic, and I will continue to work to discover new agents which hopefully will provide greater life extension and improved quality of life.

Thanks again for your inspirational message.
Best wishes to you and your family.

Sincerely,
Lee D. Arnold

Pretty cool, huh? Thanks, Stacie!

Glenn

Dad's birthday

Today (April 2) would have been Dad's 78th birthday. I have thought of him several times today, and hope that he is enjoying whatever he is doing. I carried Natasha and sang happy birthday to "Yeh Yeh" beside one of the photo montages I made for his funeral service.

Although I miss him dearly, I will always remember that he had a wonderful life, considered himself lucky for all that he experienced, and was as able to leave on his own terms as anyone felled by illness. I am pleased that there is nothing that I wish I said... we both understood our love.

Love you, Dad.
Son

Dad tells his own story

Hello folks.

As of today, I'm beginning the edit and sharing of the video project Dad and I did. I've decided to show it in chronological order, as we filmed it.

We started taping in December of 2004. In this first segment, he talks about why he chose to make this tape, then moves into talking about the early years. He shares a few memories of what he was told about the births of himself and his siblings, then he speculates about the reasons his father moved them to China when he was still a baby.



We have all been missing Dad, naturally. Besides thinking of him often, we have been spreading his ashes many places. Mom spread some at Shoreline Golf Links, one of his regular courses. I think she went out to the 9th fairway, but I'm not exactly sure. I've taken Dad to Candlestick Park for our regular Niners game, the Church of the Wayfarer in Carmel (where he and Mom got married), Tank Hill in SF (great view), and the ocean at my in-laws' Ventura beach house. I now feel a little of what Barry Bonds felt when he pointed to the sky after home runs after his dad died. Dad never really got to see my best basketball games (which are happening now playing pickup at the Y), but after a good day, I smile thinking of him enjoying it.

More soon, I promise.
Glenn

Photo retrospective

Just wanted to share the photos I scanned as input to the collages and program. Didn't quite use all of them, but came pretty close.

 (Update:  This was a video put together from the stills by the company Slide that didn't make it.  So the video is gone.   Probably should have downloaded it.  Anyone who wants to see pics can contact me.)

Glenn

Services weekend

This past weekend we held services for Dad in two parts. The first was a Visitation on Sunday, held from 1-5 at the funeral house. This was the first time I saw Dad since he passed, and it was difficult. The embalmer did a good job, though. He looked a lot like he did in recent weeks. Mom had him dressed in his favorite suit; the same one he wore to my wedding.

We were glad to have many visitors and well-wishers spread over several hours. It gave us a chance to spend some time with each of them. I told many people that our neighbor Lou's father (a big deal in the lung cancer world) said that it was likely that something broke off in Dad's bloodstream and cut off his oxygen. He must have passed quickly and painlessly. He said "If you've got lung cancer, that's the way to go." Julie and I have personally witnessed a much worse way to go, and we believe him. So I'm very thankful that Dad got everything important that he wanted done, and then went without a big fuss. It would have been pretty dreadful for him to have a long hospice stay with declining functions. As it was, so many people couldn't believe he was gone because he was out at dinner parties just days before. This photo by Helen Chew on 6/28 is one of the last photos ever taken of him. He was having a great time!

The second event was a Memorial Service, held Monday at 2 PM. There is a block with half a dozen churches by Mom and Dad's house, and last week I spotted one that looked appealing... nice stone lower-wall construction, beautiful open areas. We checked it out, and it was perfect: The Unity Palo Alto Community Church. Not only was the facility and the support excellent, but the affiliation was appealing: rather universalist and open. I'm not big on dogma, especially Christian dogma. While Dad did call himself a Christian, he did not attend church, read the Bible, or follow any particular sectarian practices. He basically believed that there is a God, and that he had many sons, among them Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha. It's a liberal interpretation of Christianity, to say the least. So I think he would have approved of this site himself.

I spent all week working on the program for the service, three 20x30 collages for display at both events, and my speech for the closing words of the service. There were about 300 people coming out for the service... we were very gratified to see the love for Dad reach so many. We also had some amazing tributes from some fantastic speakers:

• Dad's niece Ramona Mar delivered a heartfelt, endearing eulogy
• Mom's nephew Gordon AhTye recalled many stories of Dad around their family over the years
• Good friend Clarence Bakken told tales from the golf course, and other parts of Dad's social life
• Nine people eloquently spoke during the "open mike," including nephew Gary Mar, my wife Julie Minoff, and Pearl Chang from Dad's time at NASA. But the showstopper was Dad's niece Winnie Leong, talking about how much it meant to her that Dad was able to find her and the rest of brother Lim's family in Oakland in the late 60's after a dozen years of separation.

Here is the video, part 1 and part 2.  Unfortunately the camera ran out of power at the end of Julie through the middle of Winnie, so there's a missing content there. But I put this middle part together with the audio tracks that Brian the fabulous sound guy recorded for us.

Thanks so much to everyone who came this weekend to pay respects to my father. We very much needed and appreciated your support, and I'm confident that Dad was out there, savoring it all as well. I am also thankful to my wonderful colleagues at work, who empathized with my pain, sent flowers and a plant, and covered for me all week even though there was major stuff going on.

Glenn

Gordon Mar, R.I.P. 1931-2008

Gordon passed away peacefully at age 77 while home in Palo Alto with his wife Nancy at his side after a five year battle with lung cancer. He was born to Mah Foo and Wen Fong Wong in Lamont, Alberta, Canada, as the youngest of six children. After his childhood in the family village in Toy San, China, and his teen years in Canada, he spent most of his life in the Bay Area. After 30 years of government service, he retired from NASA as Chief of the Contract Pricing Branch responsible for analyzing all multi-year/multi-million dollar proposals.

Gordon was passionate about golf, which he took up in his retirement years. He loved classical music, world travel, good Chinese food, poker, and Bay Area sports. He served on the boards of the ACLU, South Bay Self-Help for the Elderly, and the Chinese Historical and Cultural Project. As a young man he loved playing volleyball and basketball. Later, he was President of the PTA and coached his son’s Little League and basketball teams.

He is survived by Nancy (his wife of 49 years), his son Glenn Mar of San Francisco (wife Julie Minoff and daughter Natasha MarMinoff), daughter Dana Wong of Palo Alto (husband Gil, children Ryan, Elise, and Evan), sister Ida Yep of Stockton, and many nieces and nephews. He was preceded in death by his parents and brothers Lim, Hong, Barry, and Harold.